Note: Do not read this post if you are about to eat, or have a weak stomach otherwise you may feel like doing what I’m about to write about. Because the truth is, parenthood is messy and you need a strong stomach to survive.

Emily Jade

Emily Jade

High heels and high chairs

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I read a fabulous quote the other day.

“You know you are a mother when you run towards vomit rather than away from it”

It made me LOL because that is my life right now. You see I am the owner operator of a serial spewer. She so much as coughs and we batten down the hatches ready for the tsunami that might follow.

She has redefined ‘what goes up must come down’ and literally turned it on its head, ‘what goes down must come up’.

We think our little spewbot might have some issues and have been looking into them, but you would think after our two year parenthood apprenticeship my husband would know what to do when the volcano of vomit erupts?

No, not one bit. He still hops around like the ground is on fire unsure of what to do or where to go while a waterfall of chewed up food is pouring into my hands.

He is a headless chook with no direction while I am left wearing a spew suit.

While I admit, this beautiful child we have created makes the Exorcist movie look like walk in the park, but you would think after 2 years of practice my darling partner in creation would know to go and grab a bucket from the laundry. Or that a big old towel would be nice. Or at the very least he could stand in the line of fire, take a deep breath, cup his hands and catch her spew like a teenagers lip catches a cold sore……quickly.

Is it just my husband, or do all fathers have no idea when it comes to kids messes? Were you prepared for the mess of parenthood?