At my sister in law’s baby shower we played a game where we all sat in a circle and gave her some loving advice on becoming a parent. Mine was simply remember everything is a stage.

Emily Jade

Emily Jade

High heels and high chairs

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Just when you think you can’t deal with the behaviour, be it saying NO a gazillion times a day, only eating white food, hitting, biting, crying, tantrums, putting everything down the toilet including their faces, or whatever is the flavour of the month, just remember EVERYTHING is a stage.

And then they will move on from that stage and start doing something else equally baffling and/or annoying.

That at least has been my parenting experience so far and Millie’s latest stage is the most baffling of them all. You see she is a gentle soul and loves to make people feel better. She does so by placing gentle kisses on those she deems sad or hurt. ‘Better?” she will say in an inquisitive little voice and then softly kiss them where it hurts. After that sweet medicinal kiss she proudly toddles off to find her next patient. I know this doesn’t seem to be such a ‘difficult’ nor ‘baffling’ stage, but when she walks up to a random man in a supermarket who looks like he had a fight with a gravel road and the road won it’s ‘difficult’ to pry her puckered lips from peppering little toddler kisses on his FESTERING WOUNDS. 

I may have screeched ‘NO MILLIE NOOOOO’ in the middle of Coles and then ran away, head down in shame and embarrassment with a bewildered 2 year old firmly tucked under my arm while an even more bewildered injured man wondered what the hell just happened.

But so obsessed with the power of making people feel better, she has taken to hitting them when they least expect it just so she can then kiss them better. Do you know how unnerving it is to be sitting quietly watching the news on the couch only to have a tiny human walk up to you and whack you directly across the cheek. The immediate reaction is a startled ‘Ow, Millie, what was that for?” After which she lovingly cups your face in her tiny hands and gives the rising welt a precious kiss and says “There you go, all better!’ Then marches off to find her next victim/patient.

What is it called when you get pleasure out of pain? Actually don’t tell me, I don’t think I’m ready to know because whatever it is, she’s got it. She’s either going to grow up and cure cancer, or write the next instalment of ’50 Shades of Grey’.