Google the following: ‘Help, my child will only eat white food!’ and you will curl up in a ball in the corner and cry for a month.

Emily Jade

Emily Jade

High heels and high chairs

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This is exactly what I did last week at the end of my tether from trying to force anything to eat other than cheese, egg whites, yogurt and two-minute noodles down my daughter’s throat.

For the last few months her monochromatic diet has resembled the hors d’oeuvres menu at a notorious P-Diddy white party. No colour will pass her lips. I even tested this with a Red Velvet Cupcake, of which she licked the white icing off with vigour and then passed the red cupcake back to me. It had me concerned for her health and well-being.  I mean what toddler, or HUMAN, turns down a RED VELVET CUPCAKE?!

The magical medical help of Dr. Google diagnosed her as either rotting from the inside ensuring a slow and painful death or suffering from Autism or both. So understandably I was concerned. However I was not alone. Many children, it seems, have fallen down the white food black hole, and yet the anecdotes to cure her were frustratingly condescending. See what you think:

You should try to ease them into enjoying food from the rest of the colour spectrum by enjoying those foods yourself, showing them that red and green and orange are a source of pleasure.”

This had my husband and I eating our dinner making the kind of noises that suggested we were making her a little brother or sister as we tried to sound like the food was amazingly delicious. The only thing that did was amuse her while she spooned vanilla yogurt into her giggling gob.

The next suggestion of  “Suck it up, and serve real food, eventually they will be hungry enough to eat it” had both of us in tears at dinner time as I tried to shove sweet potato into her tightly clamped shut mouth after a day of not touching any of the rainbow of food I’d presented to her. Her hunger strike eventuated with both of us up in the middle of the night as I fed egg custard to a very hungry little girl bewildered as to why her mean mummy was starving her. I was about to call DOC’s on myself I was so incensed by my Nazi style methods.

Shop with them. Let them pick out few things, then you have a lot more reason to think they will want to try them.”

This only proved one point, that she is certainly not colour-blind. The only good thing about her white food protest was all her clothes are stain free. Egg and cheese wash out surprisingly well. Suddenly she was the cleanest kid in the sandpit and my Napisan was lasting a lot longer. I considered using the left over to soak her carrots, steak and broccoli white and then mixing it into her pasta.

Finally I dragged my white food warrior to the human doctor to explain her affliction and sort out a cure. After checking all her vitals and assuring me that she was perfectly healthy he advised me that as long as I selected white food from all the necessary food groups she would be fine.

Then he pushed me out the door and said “Next patient, please! Preferably a toddler who has swallowed a nail.” Okay, so I totally made that last thing up, but you and I both know that’s exactly what he was thinking!